There is time in every person’s life when they ask this question- How to create a lasting relationship.
In this world of internet- dating websites, video apps, gaming apps, people tend to forget the most important thing, which is “relationships are hard work“. It is always easy to break everything up and move on, rather than doing the work of saving and savoring.
But, there lies an inevitable question- How many relationships have to break, before you can realize that you need to step up and get to work!
You and your partner have history. You’ve been through a lot together – many relationships look up to you both and turn to you when they have issues with their partners or in romance. Your partner is the one who knows you better than anyone else, and they will be there for you like no one else can. Your relationship is important!
If you are reading it then, you have taken the first step- Realizing you need to save your relationship and create a lasting one.
The hardest part in any relationship comes in one word- CONFLICT. A conflict with your partner can make you feel attacked or threatened, vulnerable and weak, and this can make you depressed, angry and frustrated. When things your partner does upsets you and you feel controlled or dominated, you become less likely to respond constructively and will resort to ways which will ultimately do more harm than good. This will create a crack in the relationship and the more you ignore it, the more it will become bigger.
Here are some steps on How to create a lasting relationship:
1. Never question the personality of the person you are in relationship with or start to doubt the relationship.
It is because you may face a problem today or tomorrow, but it doesn’t necessarily means that the whole concept of relationship and the person is the problem.
2. Become aware of your own negative patterns and talks.
Remember, even during the conflict you are talking to the person you love. Making them feel vulnerable, guilty, blaming them will not go towards the path of resolution, just because you are feeling so! Don’t get stuck in repetitive patterns. If things are not working, change your approach- perception, frame, responsibility, actions etc. Whatever RULES you have applied in your life are your rules. The more you try to enforce your rules on your partner, the more upset they will get. Decide to value your relationship over your rules.
3. Ask the right question- Communicate.
The point is not to place blame, dig up old arguments or tell your partner all the things they do that annoy you. You must change your mindset to gratitude and acceptance. Embrace the fact that life is happening for you, not to you. The current state of your relationship is teaching you with the chance to learn and grow, so be open to what it has to tell you. Communication is at the top of the list for how to save a relationship.
4. It is more important to be in love with the person and cherish them, rather than being right and alone.
Your focus is very essential in determining the course of your relationship. The Goal Setting applies to relationships too! If you focus on what you don’t want your relationship to have, fighting and getting angry, you’ll find yourself where you don’t want to be – either in a painful, unfulfilling relationship or separated from your partner. If you focus on resolving conflict and growing together, you’ll find yourself in pool of resources around you that will get you the outcomes you want.
5. Break the pattern.
In conflict it happens that people try to hammer their points on their partners, to win the argument. Why would you want your partner, the person you love, to lose? Accept that there are no losers in love, and let go of petty arguments and embrace healthy communication. Conflicts are opportunities for you and your partner to align on different values and beliefs. They are the chances to understand, appreciate and embrace differences. When you find yourself in the spiral of going in deep and dark side of conflict, humor is a good way to release tension and allow you and your partner to focus on how to resolve it, rather than going in another pointless argument.
6. Accept and Forgive.
These virtues cannot be emphasized enough when it comes to creating a lasting relationship. Accept your partner with every little quirks they have. Focus on what they bring to the table, how they make you feel and the qualities they bring out of you. Listen to your partner, understand what they’re saying and what makes them feel the way they do. It is also important to be accepting of yourself, too: Be honest about your own feelings and emotions. Be your authentic self. Forgiving your partner is an important process, which doesn’t come overnight, but it is also hard work. If your trust was broken, take some space, but communicate. Let your partner know what you need to rebuild trust because you love them. Most of all, never give up.
7. Make time for Romance
When you are having conflict with your partner, it may seem difficult to love them at that time. But, take out time to make them feel loved. Loving doesn’t necessarily means sex but cuddling, hugging, spooning, doing little things to make them blush and giggle. It is scientific as well because, human contact causes the release of oxytocin, a “feel-good ” chemical in your brain that makes you feel safe and loved. Oxytocin lowers stress, helps you sleep, makes you feel more connected and centered. It even decreases blood pressure. It is as simple to get by just reaching over and taking your partner’s hand. Physical affection is not because of a happy relationship, but rather, it creates a happy relationship.
We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Sometimes, we even forget the people who we love and for whom we are doing everything else in life. But remember, relationships are worth saving and worth giving your time and energy to!
Follow these steps and create more to have a lasting relationship!
