Why do we do what we do? What makes some people happy and others unhappy? How can you have everything and yet feel empty? The reason to these answers and the reasons for more questions regarding the quality of life boils down to one thing- What do you need?

Think of everything that is happening to you right now, whether good or bad.

What is it that you are doing that is making it happen? You might say you are not doing anything but the truth is that you are! Whatever you get, whether good or bad is the result of what you think about the most!

You keep saying “I don’t want this; I don’t know why this happens to me all the time; I don’t know why I can never be happy, everyone else around me seems to be..” Sounds familiar?

The answer is Focus! What you focus on, you tend to make reality. But you will say “No! I did not want to get fired! I did not create this economic crisis! The relationship I am in, I did not made it like this!”. The reality is “Yes you did!”

Whatever results or the outcomes you are getting right now is not the result of your thoughts and actions of today but of yesterday. And what you will do now, will affect your future!

Humans are the creatures of habit. If you watch more carefully, you will realize most of your thinking and actions are because you have learnt it from:

• Your parents or elders
• Your peers
• Role models
• Past experiences

which makes you feel like an expert on the field. But is it though? Is it the only way?

Globally, people tend to have the same problems! Everyone is looking for something, yet missing everything.

Why we do what we do?

The answer is simple. NEEDS. Any human behavior is influenced by 6 needs:

1. Need for Certainty

It means you need to feel secure and safe about the future. In order to live a life filled with certainty, your life has to stay the same. So, you artificially control your environment by avoiding new situations or people. You find ways to consistently deliver the same or better results to receive more recognition. This process gives you assurance that your actions will either avoid pain or gain pleasure, which fulfills the basic human need for certainty. Example, being in the same job, any job, same house, same locality, same country, same culture, something that always feel similar, and not a risk!

2. Need for Variety

Like any paradox, this needs is entirely opposite of the first need. What happens when you get same results or same routine over and over again? You tend to get Bored! Why? You had the need for certainty but now all of a sudden, it isn’t good anymore? It is because every human wants something different sometimes, or else they feel stuck. Example, changing a job, getting new degrees, marriage, children, changing a country, changing houses, salaries (you always want it to change, don’t you!)

3. Need for Significance

Significance is measured by what makes you unique, compared to everyone else around you. Recognition makes you feel special and needed. There are positive and negative ways of getting this need fulfilled. Some include, turning to alcohol or engaging in frequent arguments/fights in and out of your home. Others surround themselves with people who they view as less skilled or accomplished to boost their own egos, rather than facing the actual reality. It is like saying “If I can’t make a good house, then let’s tear down everyone else’s!”

Positive ways include helping someone in need, sharing what you have abundance of, which not necessarily means money. “Even one small act of kindness doesn’t go unnoticed!”

4. Need for Connection/Love

This need provides push to many people around, when they are not ready to push themselves. You will do so much for yourself, but you will do more for your family. It is because of this need for love and connection. It may not only be related to or restricted to family, but also for a larger perspective- Humanity, for some people. “I want to change this world!”

5. Need for Growth

Many people, specially the hard workers, educators, intellectuals, tend to have this need in their top priority list, because they are always trying to grow and learn more! Everything in the Universe evolves and grows, if it didn’t, it will cease to exist! Growth is what makes you feel alive!

6. Need for Contribution

The more you give, the more you get. People often tend to forget this basic idea of living, which is the circle of Universe. What goes around, comes around. If you contribute, you will most likely make a big difference in not only yourself, but also in your community. Most often, people get lost in their needs and basics that they start saying something like “How can I contribute, when I don’t have much myself!”

Well, it is not about what you have financially that you can contribute, rather, what you are capable of doing/talent or what you are good at! Example, if people say you are too funny, next time you see someone who is really depressed, cannot find any reason to be happy, make them happy! That’s your contribution!

The reason, all these needs are necessary is because your life, your actions, your current outcomes are revolving around these needs. There maybe a dis-balance in some, which is making you feel all anxious and worried. Understanding what drives you and what makes you who you are, is the key to all happiness!